More and more often these days I am meeting women who tell me that it’s easier for them to connect with men than women:
‘Women are bitchy.’
‘Women are judgemental.’
‘Women are so deceiving.’
Oh boy, does it hurt me to hear these things.
You see, it isn’t this way for me. I am, well as a cis person, I’m kind of a womaniser.
I’ve been surrounded by women my entire life. I was raised by a single mother and her many clucky, mostly Irish, nurse friends — ‘Oh you wee pet!’
I grew up alongside my two female Australian cousins — playing naked barbies.
In primary school, my girlfriends and I put ourselves in charge of telling off the boys for looking up girls skirts.
Entering high school my girlfriends and I entered puberty together and had daily discussions about how best to kiss with the mouth open and if putting a tampon in mean you’ve lost your virginity.
Girlfriends from uni, girlfriends from travel, cafe jobs, girlfriends of girlfriends, girlfriends of boyfriends…even dancefloor girlfriends. It just keeps expanding!
I seem to have a natural talent for befriending women and further to that I have a talent for connecting them together.
The more women I connected with around the world, the more I realised I couldn’t possibly see them on a regular basis so instead I started to link them with one another. Now today many of my girlfriends have formed strong and long lasting bonds.
And that’s okay with me. In fact, it’s wonderful! I am not jealous — I am happy that the global sisterhood has extended and is strengthened through their connections.
So here inside my big, harmonious, bubble of women it never even occurred to me that some women out there find it hard to connect with other women.
I got to thinking — Where has this come from? I mean, if we go way back when, in ancient times, there was the Matriarchy. There was the Red Tent where on the new moon women congregated together to bleed, support and share stories. Women danced beneath the full moon, held ceremonies, helped each other give birth — they were magical; they were fucking witchy sisters.
But then somewhere along the line the Patriarchy started to rise forth, and what was the best way to break the strong ties of women? Turn them against each other. Burn the witches and threaten — unless you surrender a witch to us, you’ll burn.
Women were cornered into turning against each other. If you outed a witch sister, you were a bitch, if you didn’t, you paid the price.
Okay, okay, I realise I may have lost some of you there but I’m serious. This really resonates with me. I simply DO NOT believe that backstabbing, dishonesty, fear, betrayal, jealousy and catty behaviour is at the core of who women are. It’s a result of years of distrust, disconnection and isolation.
Today, many of us are disconnected from the females around us, even the ones who gave birth to us, or the ones who gave birth to them. I know I would certainly feel uncomfortable having a conversation about menstruation with my grandmother, let alone my sexuality.
For many it really feels like the Sisterhood has been lost.
And so I believe it is my mission to help resurrect the Sisterhood and have started holding women’s circles on the road and online.
The women who tell me that they cannot connect with other women, who then join me in a women’s circle, feel the feminine energy, feel what it’s like to be heard, feel the womb love. That’s when the sisterhood healing begins and their usually ain’t a dry eye in the circle (bless the ability to feel true emotion with your TEARS!)
Sisterhood comes first. We are meant to tell each other face-to-face the things that have been whispered behind backs and feel safe in doing so: ‘You let me down when you….’ ‘I’m jealous of your job.’ ‘I feel intimidated around you.’ I get the feeling you really don’t like me, is this true?’ ‘I’ve been connecting with your ex-boyfriend and I just wanted to check with you if it’s okay that I pursue the connection?’
I have seen these conversations happen. I have started these conversations. These conversations have been started with me! And no, I didn’t mind that the girl started hooking up with my ex, I was just fucking delighted that she had asked!
Yes, it is confronting, unusual, a new way of communicating with sisters — but actually, it’s an ancient, witchy way of communicating. And it’s fucking magical.
Women’s circles are an ancient ritual to connect sisters of all ages, to share stories of womanhood, to be witnessed, to be gifted true presence — no advice. To be mirrored and met, 100% in whatever shape you come.
Thank you to Margo and Cim ek for this beautiful photo journey